2019-2020

Sorry that i have been away for a while now, sometimes these things will happen. But anyways i am here now and have some updates and news for you all. Now first thing is i was finally able to move out of that apartment that i was in on Indian school rd. That place has gotten worse. And i would not recommend that place anymore. its gone from bad to worse. But after i have left, i heard new management has bought the place. Maybe the new owner will fix that place up. anyways not my problem anymore.

I am currently in my new loft apartment home. Yes, you heard me right. I am actually living in my dream home now. having an upstairs bedroom is amazing, and its an open concept with high ceilings too. I have always wanted a place like this, and now i am in my dream home.

Actually, it not just my dream home but i have other dream homes as well too. I have always wanted to own my house, with a least 3 bedrooms. And have the family i have always wanted. But with my fertility issues i have, my family won't happen, I wish it has. But there is nothing much that i can do about that. I was shattered when i have received that news couple years back. Anyways we are not suppose to get emotional here.

There is one thing that did happen about a month ago, I no longer keep in touch with my own little sister anymore, not after what she said and called me. Its very hurtful to me. She actually wishes that i was dead instead of our brothers, and calls me "The bitch of a retard".
I can't seem to get those words out of my head right now, I am trying so hard to block it and want to forget it. I can not forgive her this time. We are now estrange sisters.

Since that has happened, I finally got the courage to start a story, my story about my down syndrome. and how i have been through it. on my youtube page. If you are all interested and want to see my story. Plz go to sugargirl1978@gmail.com I am trying to get my story out there and would like to reach millions of people around the world. And to know who i am and how i have struggle and what i have accomplished in my life as well too. And I would love to see it reach to Ellen Degeneres, and Oprah Winfrey too. I admire these two lady's for a long time, And that i have been trying to win tickets to her show. Ellen Is amazing and i love what she does, and how she helps family. Sometimes i wish she would do that with me, I would of love that. But i know that doesn't work that way. But it would of been cool and awesome to have. But i have always wanted to meet Ellen Degeneres. Someday i will. I'm not giving up.

Balki, My precious cat. He is amazing and knows how to get me to smile and laugh. And the way he sleeps too always gets my attention too. I love it. And the way he buts heads with me and gives me love bites too. I love it. Plus he does that and wakes me up to just to feed him in the morning.
Balki did had a best friend, wags. He was his dog buddy from a friend and neighbor too. But wags has passed away recently. He will be missed. Our friend Roxanne has moved again back to Michigan. We will miss her and hope she will come and visit us.

Anyways this is all i have to say for now, Hopefully I will be back on my blogger more often after i get the wifi again and the cable too. thank you... and talk soon.

Kylene

fertility Issues

I never thought that i would do this, why i kept this a secret for almost two years now. My family doesn't even know about this. I just couldn't bare to tell them. Because this still hurts me to this day now. I have always wanted a mini me, a daughter or son. I would of love to spoil my child. and to give as much as love and attention to my angel. My daughter would of have the name Aurora, (Roe) for short. and if i had a boy, it would of been Adam.

But in my case and because of the disability that i have, and also because of my age as well, I am not able to have kids. I am fertile. I have my good days about this, and then i don't. it gets to me. But i know i would of been so lucky and happy. That i will have a miracle baby, just like I was. Because of my Down Syndrome, there would of been a chance that my baby would have Down Syndrome. I do carry the genetics. And it is a possibility.

I have been two fertility doctors, and i would get the same answers. Two years this December I have adopted a stray cat, He was left outside one day and he was only a couple months old, he is my baby now, We pretty much adopted one another. I have given him the cutest name ever, I don't know if you know this show or not, Perfect Strangers. It stars Bronson Pinchot and Mark-lynn Baker. they play cousins, Balki Bartokomous and Larry Appleton. Well, I name my cat Balki B. and my last name too.
Balki is a wonderful cat, He is my feline son. In my heart I do have a son, he is just my precious feline son. And i love my baby so much.

One more thing, once i post this blog, it will be seen by a family member. I think i am ok with that now.

Thank you.

My new place

I have exciting news to tell you all, I have been accepted for a brand new loft apartment. My bedroom is upstairs and my bathroom is downstairs through my kitchen. The place is wonderful. I happen to love it and the location, and i did all on my own, I went out one day and i stopped by Arbor Village Apts, and i have received a tour and the pictures are accurate, and Mary the staff and my new landlord is very nice, and has been helpful to me. And i can't wait to move Balki and myself into our new place in a few weeks from now.

I can imagine that Balki will love it, and how excitement he will get, he will have more space and hiding places too. And how i am going to decorate it for Christmas, I can see what i will be doing. I will also have new decorations for how i will have my new place set up, and i know what style i want. I will have more owls and butterflies. There are a few owl lamps that i would love to have, Amazon has these lamps that i have seen, and i would love to have them. I have been working on sorting and packing and getting ready for my move. My Aunt, Debbie and my cousin Jennifer have helped and hired these fine gentlemen, They are firefighters and Policemen, They will help me with my move on their days off, I actually don't have to lift anything. I like too, with the light stuff of course, and let the men take care of the heavy things, boxes and my furniture too.
I'm suppose to get this couch from my other aunt, but I'm not sure when i will get it, I have been waiting for awhile now. But i just have to be patient about that.

Any ways, I am waiting to move into my new place, and i am looking forward to it. I have been waiting for this for a very long time now. And it finally happened. So Thank you Arbor Village apts for accepting me.
Plan to be in my new place at least two years, and see what would happen after that... Have to wait.

thank you

Talking Stick

the time has come, as of this Tuesday, I will be at the Bohemian Rhapsody concert, Adam and Queen. I have been getting more excited and excited. This will be my third time seeing Adam Lambert and second time of seeing Queen.

Anyways, since i have bought the Fan VIP Package and to see what was included, i was actually having a hard time what part of it is and what i will be expecting. It toke me sometime to understand it. But now i do know what to expect, But it didn't mention if was able to meet and greet with Adam Lambert and queen. I would of love to meet them in person.
The one i was having trouble with and understanding was:

One Premium reserved price level 2 ticket to the show!
One VIP Commemorative concert Ticket

These two i was having some difficulties with, I have spoken with TicketMaster and they have explain it to me. I already have my ticket for the concert. I am on the Floor. At the Talking Stick Arena.
MY other package and special is a designed gift Item ( I hope its a T-shirt) that is what i want.)
I also get the:
One VIP Laminate Lanyard
One VIP reserved reserved price level  2 ticket to the show.

The only thing that didn't mention if i was gonna have the Meet and Greet. I would of jumped out of my seat and to many joys and happiness with that. I probably would be kind of speechless. and a photo opportunity would of been AWESOME.

[img]https://youtu.be/ne79MuCbgmQ[/img]

https://youtu.be/9h-vd8QiLLw

Btw, this is the greatest music video, and also Comin in Hot....
Now i am waiting for his new Album. Can't wait for that...

If i had to have a fetish: It would have to be Adam Lambert. In a excitement way of course. lol.

thanks

New place to live possibly.

Okay, it has been a while since i have been on here, the reason is because i have been swamped with my new job that i have got at the Az Mills Mall in Tempe. And also currently sorting and packing too. Balki and Myself are currently getting a new place to live. I have found a great place that i like to call home sweet home. Arbor Village apts. they have an loft apt, that i love so much that i would love to live there for a couple of years. its my plan and also that I have always dreamed of having a place with a loft apt with an upstairs. I actually love this place and plus that i will be a little more close to work, sort of, i would only take one bus to get there. and i like that.

Anyways, school has been officially over for me, I have graduated just May 10th 2019. And i am still waiting for my degree to come in the mail. I was told that it was sent out sometime in March, But i never got it. Not sure why? But i did called and find out what was going on with that. They have sent me another degree in mail today, I should have it by next wednesday. I hope it gets here soon. I worked hard on that. this chapter in my school education has come to an end. My family is proud of me, and i am proud of myself too. Thank you

And now, i am sorting and packing and getting ready to move, i have 9 weeks left to move, Hopefully i can be out and in my new place by August 31st. and not Sept 3rd. if that is possible. Mary, My new possibly landlord has been so nice and wonderful to me, she is amazing. She was the one that gave me the tour. I am looking forward to be a resident soon. The current place i am at now, I have been here since 2012. It was good here when i first moved in, i did had some friends here, but they are gone now, moved away. I only have one friend here, and she is nice. And she is also moving as well too. This chapter is coming to a close and so is my conversation. too.

 UpDate: I have the most and wonderful news: I have been accepted for a one loft bedroom apt. right here in Phoenix.  I am finally moving out of this 550 sgft and into a 575 sqft loft apt. I finally get to live in a nice home that i can actually call home sweet home. Counting the days and weeks when i can move in. Pick up my keys soon. AWESOME...

take care.

Expressing My Day

I am just a regular person, that i was having a good day like today. I have  been doing house work and looking for my art supplies because i am getting ready to decorate my cap. Nothing fancy, just something simple like an owl sticker and butterfly sticker. and saying that i did, i'm a graduate. simple. I also have news as well too. I can tell you all, but i am surprising my family on the day of the ceremony. I only told one person. And all i am doing is going on stage and i am making a speech, and who i want to thank for helping me and my education here. at the phoenix college. I never had the opportunity to do something like this before. And i want to do it. Tomorrow i meet with my counselor and mentor to go over my speech. I have been under stressed, i cry so easy these days, and i am thrilled and the excitement news i have been hearing, and the emotional ones when i loss my baby brother. its been almost two months now since his passing. But i am okay. Just hurting and excited for my college graduation, even though its only a community college i am so happy and proud of myself. I wish my parents were here with me, but i know they will in spirit. just like my brothers too. and my angels.

Anyways, I will be okay, and can finally get more things done, like a new place for me and Balki. My sweet kitty. he is napping right now.

I see as my blog here, is expressing my day and with news and sadness too. I have come a long way, to get where i am at. And this new job as a greeter, at the mall will be fun. Plus i will be at the mall everyday. well the days i work. I am thrilled.

Remebering My brother Eric

I don't know how to explain this, is the most difficult blog post for me. I want to say something about people who have committed suicide. And reason why I want to do this.

First, is its really sad and hurtful that someone hurts themselves. why? Idk. I have a big heart and i care about these people, even celebrities do this too. its an awful thing to end their lives. Like Robin Williams, I was shocked to hear that he had taken his own life. He will always be funny and always entertains us, I'm sure he is entertaining in heaven, That's what i like think. Nothing wrong with that.

Anyways, I have recently found out last month the night of the super bowl, The day after that i get a text from a family friend Cindy. She has informed me that my youngest brother Eric has taken his life. by committed suicide. He hung himself. I am still hurting and feel alone. My own brother. I know we havn't been that close but Eric was my baby brother. I will miss him deeply.

I remember the good times i had with my brother Eric, He was there for me when we were teenagers, He would actually go out and find the bullies that have hurt me, and have called me the worse name, to this day I still hate the word and being called a retard. No one has respect for that. I also hate the way people used that word for anything. We need to put a stop to it. thats what i want.


I have gone into a deep depression for days, then turn to two weeks that i wanted to shut everything out for awhile. I had to remind myself that we can't prevent it and try to stop it. Suicide is a disease, I hope i am not saying to much here, But i just want to express my feelings with what i care about. I remember a country artist that i like and still a fan of hers, Mindy McCready, she is talented and has a great voice, One of her hits, Ten Thousand Angels, is my favorite song that she recorded.

It's really sad to the loss of love ones, My brother May he rest In Peace. Eric I love you and i miss you everyday. what else hurts that i don't want my brother's remains. It scares me. It's just me and my younger sister now. I am afraid and concern. I just want what's best for her and to get well. And come home soon.

I an in tears, need end this post.
H. Kylene

Associates in fine arts

I did it, I am officially done with my college years, I have my associates in fine arts degree. I have come a very long road with my education. I also know in my heart that my parents are proud of me. and the rest of my family as well too. tbh, I didn't think i was gonna make it. But i proved to myself that once i put a goal to what i want and to have. I earned it. Just like when i was on the presidents honor roll. from my school it was incredible to have that, I couldn't believe that happened. that was like 2 yrs ago. It was awesome. 

Now that i am finished and waiting for May 10th 2019, My graduation Day. I also pick up my cap and gown next week. I feel like i want to cry:

Next Monday, i will be making a short clip to thank someone, and for all the help that this person has done for me. He has been so wonderful to me. Gene Heppard, Mr. Heppard helped me and told me about this program that can help me and get a waiver, that will get me dismissed from any type of math. That has helped and improved a lot for my education.  This program that i am on, its been almost a year since i got accepted. So far we have put together my resume, and have done a field trips to art galleries with one of my staff member, Dollie. She is my job coach and has been helping me with my budget too. so far so good, Now my other good news, I have my first job interview this Friday, get this the job i had applied for is, a costume character. for LegoLand Discover center, in Tempe. Its not exactly what i wanted but it's kind of close too. I am an artist. I want a job that involves in art. I am now part of the art world. I like to be famous one day. And have my own art shows and one day own my own art studio. I love just about everything. Ceramics, making art and jewelry. and i also love water colors and pastels too. And i most definitely love oil painting too. 

The most definite person that i have admire for years is Thomas kinkade, the painter of light. He is the main reason why i want to be an artist.  
signing off for now. 
H. Kylene

Brother

This is really hard for me, right now but i have something to say, about people people that commit suicide. One thing is i don't understand why or what made them want to end their life. I also want to be clear about it too. But i also have questions about it. Like what would make them want to do something like this? why?

I have always wanted to know why? why end your life. What was wrong? Was it depression or bipolar. Or was it because of the bad choices that has happened to you. I have one friend who had a sister, who committed suicide, and i feel so sad for my best friend for losing her sister like that, I didn't think that i would have someone in my family that would do something like, but i was wrong. it happened to my family. I just recently loss my baby brother from suicide. I am devastated to lose a love one. It has been so hard not to be as close to someone like a family. For the past five years i have loss family. first my parents. and then my older brother has passed and now my younger baby brother. now it's just me and my younger sister. We have been through a lot.

I have always loved my brother, and sister. but we just drifted apart, but my older brother i was more closer to him then i was with my two younger ones. I will miss my baby brother. He will always will be. I love you Eric, and i am devastated for what happened. I wish i knew why you would do something like this. I don't completely understand this. I have been very emotional for two days now since i found out about your passing, i will always love you and miss you very much.
My baby brother. I love you with all my heart.

There are always Roads

First is this, My graduation. I have finally did it, and i will be actually graduating this May, I am thrilled and excited. I have purchased my cap and gown, However i don't get to pick it up just yet. Not until the end of the semester. April to May i will be able to pick it up, I can't wait. This is an excitement news that i have been looking forward too, for a long time now. since i started at Phoenix College. I will be finished with school now. Right now i am taking a fun class while i wait for my graduation day. yes Ceramics. I am making new things. But i also don't want to make too much this time around. The rest of my ceramic work is at home in boxes. I will have an associates in fine arts degree. How excited is that. I am an artist.

Now, I am currently looking for a brand new place. I'm tired of these dive apartments, I need something better and cheaper. And safe for me and Balki. Balki is my loving kitty, I got him a year ago. I wasn't planning on having a pet anytime soon, but once i saw him with my neighbor i knew i loved him and new what his name will be, Yes Balki from the tv show Perfect Strangers. I am a huge fan of that show. And i still watch it. I have the series that i got from Ebay over a year or two ago. something like that. Any how balki and i need to find a new place as soon as possible. We will be putting in our notice later in the summer. Just as soon as we get accepted to an apartment, and hopefully it will be my last move. I am actually tired of moving, i like to have a home that i can call home sweet home.

Okay, I have to admit something, but i can't explain it yet, and i'm not sure if i want to, but it is kind of private. but talking about it does help. I just don't know if i can accept this news. My relationship with Javier, Its been on a strange course, there are several roads to our future. I have found out that he has been lying to me all this time, 7 years. I guess i kind of new, but i just didn't want to accept it. And i still don't want too. Anyways i have been having these mixed feelings since last November 2018. I have been keeping it a secret for months now, i haven't told anyone yet, and what i know now. I also have been keeping a secret myself, and i wasn't ready to talk about it, because it hurts me that i get emotional about it, and that i am not able to have. "I'm sorry i can't bring it to myself and say it" I just can't.
There are roads to almost everything that i am working on. But there are roads, always roads.