New place to live possibly.

Okay, it has been a while since i have been on here, the reason is because i have been swamped with my new job that i have got at the Az Mills Mall in Tempe. And also currently sorting and packing too. Balki and Myself are currently getting a new place to live. I have found a great place that i like to call home sweet home. Arbor Village apts. they have an loft apt, that i love so much that i would love to live there for a couple of years. its my plan and also that I have always dreamed of having a place with a loft apt with an upstairs. I actually love this place and plus that i will be a little more close to work, sort of, i would only take one bus to get there. and i like that.

Anyways, school has been officially over for me, I have graduated just May 10th 2019. And i am still waiting for my degree to come in the mail. I was told that it was sent out sometime in March, But i never got it. Not sure why? But i did called and find out what was going on with that. They have sent me another degree in mail today, I should have it by next wednesday. I hope it gets here soon. I worked hard on that. this chapter in my school education has come to an end. My family is proud of me, and i am proud of myself too. Thank you

And now, i am sorting and packing and getting ready to move, i have 9 weeks left to move, Hopefully i can be out and in my new place by August 31st. and not Sept 3rd. if that is possible. Mary, My new possibly landlord has been so nice and wonderful to me, she is amazing. She was the one that gave me the tour. I am looking forward to be a resident soon. The current place i am at now, I have been here since 2012. It was good here when i first moved in, i did had some friends here, but they are gone now, moved away. I only have one friend here, and she is nice. And she is also moving as well too. This chapter is coming to a close and so is my conversation. too.

 UpDate: I have the most and wonderful news: I have been accepted for a one loft bedroom apt. right here in Phoenix.  I am finally moving out of this 550 sgft and into a 575 sqft loft apt. I finally get to live in a nice home that i can actually call home sweet home. Counting the days and weeks when i can move in. Pick up my keys soon. AWESOME...

take care.

Expressing My Day

I am just a regular person, that i was having a good day like today. I have  been doing house work and looking for my art supplies because i am getting ready to decorate my cap. Nothing fancy, just something simple like an owl sticker and butterfly sticker. and saying that i did, i'm a graduate. simple. I also have news as well too. I can tell you all, but i am surprising my family on the day of the ceremony. I only told one person. And all i am doing is going on stage and i am making a speech, and who i want to thank for helping me and my education here. at the phoenix college. I never had the opportunity to do something like this before. And i want to do it. Tomorrow i meet with my counselor and mentor to go over my speech. I have been under stressed, i cry so easy these days, and i am thrilled and the excitement news i have been hearing, and the emotional ones when i loss my baby brother. its been almost two months now since his passing. But i am okay. Just hurting and excited for my college graduation, even though its only a community college i am so happy and proud of myself. I wish my parents were here with me, but i know they will in spirit. just like my brothers too. and my angels.

Anyways, I will be okay, and can finally get more things done, like a new place for me and Balki. My sweet kitty. he is napping right now.

I see as my blog here, is expressing my day and with news and sadness too. I have come a long way, to get where i am at. And this new job as a greeter, at the mall will be fun. Plus i will be at the mall everyday. well the days i work. I am thrilled.

Remebering My brother Eric

I don't know how to explain this, is the most difficult blog post for me. I want to say something about people who have committed suicide. And reason why I want to do this.

First, is its really sad and hurtful that someone hurts themselves. why? Idk. I have a big heart and i care about these people, even celebrities do this too. its an awful thing to end their lives. Like Robin Williams, I was shocked to hear that he had taken his own life. He will always be funny and always entertains us, I'm sure he is entertaining in heaven, That's what i like think. Nothing wrong with that.

Anyways, I have recently found out last month the night of the super bowl, The day after that i get a text from a family friend Cindy. She has informed me that my youngest brother Eric has taken his life. by committed suicide. He hung himself. I am still hurting and feel alone. My own brother. I know we havn't been that close but Eric was my baby brother. I will miss him deeply.

I remember the good times i had with my brother Eric, He was there for me when we were teenagers, He would actually go out and find the bullies that have hurt me, and have called me the worse name, to this day I still hate the word and being called a retard. No one has respect for that. I also hate the way people used that word for anything. We need to put a stop to it. thats what i want.


I have gone into a deep depression for days, then turn to two weeks that i wanted to shut everything out for awhile. I had to remind myself that we can't prevent it and try to stop it. Suicide is a disease, I hope i am not saying to much here, But i just want to express my feelings with what i care about. I remember a country artist that i like and still a fan of hers, Mindy McCready, she is talented and has a great voice, One of her hits, Ten Thousand Angels, is my favorite song that she recorded.

It's really sad to the loss of love ones, My brother May he rest In Peace. Eric I love you and i miss you everyday. what else hurts that i don't want my brother's remains. It scares me. It's just me and my younger sister now. I am afraid and concern. I just want what's best for her and to get well. And come home soon.

I an in tears, need end this post.
H. Kylene

Associates in fine arts

I did it, I am officially done with my college years, I have my associates in fine arts degree. I have come a very long road with my education. I also know in my heart that my parents are proud of me. and the rest of my family as well too. tbh, I didn't think i was gonna make it. But i proved to myself that once i put a goal to what i want and to have. I earned it. Just like when i was on the presidents honor roll. from my school it was incredible to have that, I couldn't believe that happened. that was like 2 yrs ago. It was awesome. 

Now that i am finished and waiting for May 10th 2019, My graduation Day. I also pick up my cap and gown next week. I feel like i want to cry:

Next Monday, i will be making a short clip to thank someone, and for all the help that this person has done for me. He has been so wonderful to me. Gene Heppard, Mr. Heppard helped me and told me about this program that can help me and get a waiver, that will get me dismissed from any type of math. That has helped and improved a lot for my education.  This program that i am on, its been almost a year since i got accepted. So far we have put together my resume, and have done a field trips to art galleries with one of my staff member, Dollie. She is my job coach and has been helping me with my budget too. so far so good, Now my other good news, I have my first job interview this Friday, get this the job i had applied for is, a costume character. for LegoLand Discover center, in Tempe. Its not exactly what i wanted but it's kind of close too. I am an artist. I want a job that involves in art. I am now part of the art world. I like to be famous one day. And have my own art shows and one day own my own art studio. I love just about everything. Ceramics, making art and jewelry. and i also love water colors and pastels too. And i most definitely love oil painting too. 

The most definite person that i have admire for years is Thomas kinkade, the painter of light. He is the main reason why i want to be an artist.  
signing off for now. 
H. Kylene

Brother

This is really hard for me, right now but i have something to say, about people people that commit suicide. One thing is i don't understand why or what made them want to end their life. I also want to be clear about it too. But i also have questions about it. Like what would make them want to do something like this? why?

I have always wanted to know why? why end your life. What was wrong? Was it depression or bipolar. Or was it because of the bad choices that has happened to you. I have one friend who had a sister, who committed suicide, and i feel so sad for my best friend for losing her sister like that, I didn't think that i would have someone in my family that would do something like, but i was wrong. it happened to my family. I just recently loss my baby brother from suicide. I am devastated to lose a love one. It has been so hard not to be as close to someone like a family. For the past five years i have loss family. first my parents. and then my older brother has passed and now my younger baby brother. now it's just me and my younger sister. We have been through a lot.

I have always loved my brother, and sister. but we just drifted apart, but my older brother i was more closer to him then i was with my two younger ones. I will miss my baby brother. He will always will be. I love you Eric, and i am devastated for what happened. I wish i knew why you would do something like this. I don't completely understand this. I have been very emotional for two days now since i found out about your passing, i will always love you and miss you very much.
My baby brother. I love you with all my heart.

There are always Roads

First is this, My graduation. I have finally did it, and i will be actually graduating this May, I am thrilled and excited. I have purchased my cap and gown, However i don't get to pick it up just yet. Not until the end of the semester. April to May i will be able to pick it up, I can't wait. This is an excitement news that i have been looking forward too, for a long time now. since i started at Phoenix College. I will be finished with school now. Right now i am taking a fun class while i wait for my graduation day. yes Ceramics. I am making new things. But i also don't want to make too much this time around. The rest of my ceramic work is at home in boxes. I will have an associates in fine arts degree. How excited is that. I am an artist.

Now, I am currently looking for a brand new place. I'm tired of these dive apartments, I need something better and cheaper. And safe for me and Balki. Balki is my loving kitty, I got him a year ago. I wasn't planning on having a pet anytime soon, but once i saw him with my neighbor i knew i loved him and new what his name will be, Yes Balki from the tv show Perfect Strangers. I am a huge fan of that show. And i still watch it. I have the series that i got from Ebay over a year or two ago. something like that. Any how balki and i need to find a new place as soon as possible. We will be putting in our notice later in the summer. Just as soon as we get accepted to an apartment, and hopefully it will be my last move. I am actually tired of moving, i like to have a home that i can call home sweet home.

Okay, I have to admit something, but i can't explain it yet, and i'm not sure if i want to, but it is kind of private. but talking about it does help. I just don't know if i can accept this news. My relationship with Javier, Its been on a strange course, there are several roads to our future. I have found out that he has been lying to me all this time, 7 years. I guess i kind of new, but i just didn't want to accept it. And i still don't want too. Anyways i have been having these mixed feelings since last November 2018. I have been keeping it a secret for months now, i haven't told anyone yet, and what i know now. I also have been keeping a secret myself, and i wasn't ready to talk about it, because it hurts me that i get emotional about it, and that i am not able to have. "I'm sorry i can't bring it to myself and say it" I just can't.
There are roads to almost everything that i am working on. But there are roads, always roads.

Graduation Day 2019

I have some exciting and wonderful news to tell you all, With all the work and the studying that i have been through with, Is that i finally came to end of my college years at the phoenix community college. I am a graduate, Well, the ceremony is in fact in May of 2019. That's when they will have the commencement ceremony. However i have decided not to transfer after all. It was best that i ended with a associates in fine arts degree. And you know what, I am proud of myself, why you ask because i am a fighter, i actually stayed and didn't drop out, At first i wasn't too sure if i was going to make it, It got harder for me after the 2nd year. Plus it was more challenging too. My family is proud of me. I just wish that my parents was here and hear them to say that they are proud of me as well, But I know in my heart that they are proud of me, I loss both of my parents 4 years ago. It was so hard on me then, and now its still hard but i know they are in my heart forever, just like my older brother as well, he passed 2yrs ago. I believe that they will be there in spirit, and honoring me. with grateful and smiles and how proud they are. I can't believe that i did it, Omg, Thank you for everything. giving me life, and making the best move i ever did, living back in my home town, Phoenix Az is the best, and going to school and continuing my education. I don't care that i went to a community college, it was the best and opportunity that i did. Now i can concentrate on my graduation Day in May 2019. All i have to do now is to take grad Trax session, that is to prepare me for the graduation. I just have to take that Next month. school starts again, but i don't need classes, grad trax is all that i need.

I really want to take ceramics, I just have to pay for that, its like $320 for the class for the semester. But i can do payments, but i'm still not sure if i can, as much as i want too. But it is what i want to do until my graduation day in May, And would be nice to hang out with my friends too. Ceramics is the best class ever, I love making new things. especially muppets, to owls and butterflies. I have new ideas that i want to do. I am going to see what i can do about taking ceramics class.

In closing, I am counting the days, weeks, and months to my graduation Day. May 10th 2019.
Did you all know that i am the first child of my siblings to go to college and make something good for myself, and you know what i am so happy and proud of myself, that i made something in my future, I know what i want, and this is just the start of it, Now i am hoping to have the home of my dreams, I am tired of moving from apartment to an apartment. I want a home, that i call home sweet home, and no more moving. I do dream of my home, i even think about having a tiny house. I love them, I can picture how i want it to be and the design, But that is dream and a fantasy that i want. But all i care about is to be happy and give Balki a good home for us. Balki is my cat, he is a wonderful and caring and he is my emotion support animal. Yes he is, He is rent free. I wish my rent was free too. that would be awesome, but i don't see that happening. but i can think about it. Okay, now i may concentrate with my graduation Day coming.